Last night I received a text from one of my cousins telling me that her son was a prospect to play football for one of the well known football teams in Texas. He has had other people interested who are talking to him also, however, since I live pretty close to one of them she started asking me the questions that any Mom starts to wonder when her once little child becomes a grown man or woman and is about to start his or her own journey. As she asked me the questions, a flood of emotions of an event, now years gone by, soared through my heart once again. As she asked the questions, I could feel the uncertainties she had in asking them. Questions such as, is it a safe place , and what do you know about the place, started surfacing in the conversation.
Luckily, in this case, one of my sons is very familiar with the area and I was able to relieve some of her wonder of worry. Also, I had been praying for her family for many years at this point and I was able to tell her that God will be all she needs Him to be as she maneuvers through this new phase. I told her things that she already realizes hoping she would be reassured, especially since I’ve already walked that road.
When I went through this myself, I was totally unprepared for the drop off of my child to college. Several of the visits to the colleges were very stressful and filled with unexpected irritations. I even wondered if we were experiencing some spiritual battle of some sort at times and that wonder led me to spending much prayer and time with God sharing all of my worries and concerns. My prayers consisted of things such as, had I prepared him well enough, would he remember to look for God in the tough situations as well as the easier situations, would he stray from God during this newfound independence, what kind of friends would he have, could he handle the crazy traffic in Dallas and would he be in a safe place? I could go on and on in these conversations with God and often did.
One day in one of these conversations, I had been pouring my heart out to God about the trip we were to leave for that afternoon to visit another college prospect. I was stressed because of some of the irritations we had experienced during previous visits. After I finished my time praying and reading I went to my kitchen table and started working on a puzzle one of my other sons and I had picked up a couple weeks before. I was killing time while waiting for my husband to get home from work, which had been delayed because of some catastrophe that had happened that day. Already it was looking like another irritating trip.
All of the sudden I heard a whisper in my head beckoning me to pick up the puzzle box to look at the picture. I entertained the voice. The box was about a five by five inch box. When I examined all that was in the picture I noticed in the clouds there were two angels looking down on a Mom and three boys who were outside their house. My heart leaped for joy. I told my other son to come and look what was in the puzzle. I told him there were angels in the clouds. He laughed jokingly and told me I was on crack. I insisted that he come and take a look. He came over and said I was right. We both were trying frantically to put that part of the puzzle together after we saw it. I called my husband at work and told him what had happened. He told me he had to see it because the story made him feel better after such a hard day at work and having to come home after such a long, hard day only to leave on long weekend trip.
When he got home, we left. The trip was flawless. Even our devotion we shared that morning as a family that morning had God’s fingerprints all over it. I had been reading through the Bible in order, chapter by chapter. After I would read the chapter in the Bible, I would also read a small devotion from a book. That day my reading aligned with the verse, Matthew 28:19-20 which is the go into all the world preaching the gospel and making disciples verse. The chapter in the book that had the devotionals started with the same verse I had just read in the Bible within that chapter. I could not have ever coordinated such a correlation because I always read them in the order that was next. I had chills flow over me as I opened the book and saw the verse for that day. The verse was very significant also because my son was going to school to become a Pastor. It was if God was saying that this was the school my son should go to and would go to.
If I had not spent that time pouring out all of my fears and worries at God’s feet, I would have missed out on such a wonderful God-filled moment during this difficult transition in my life. All of those mornings were not spent in vain. God hears us every time we speak to Him. I wish all of the craziness in life were answered in such a miraculous and clear and concise and well defined way, but unfortunately that is not the case regarding most of my life. Most of the time, trust has to trump over what my eyes see and what my heart feels. Many times I do not get the answers that I so wish I could hear his voice speak to me. It is so very hard at times, but God is so worthy of our trust in Him and our faith in His perfect plan regardless of what we see or feel at any given moment.
Lets return back to the puzzle. After my son and I finished it, I went to the store to have it framed. I hung it in what I call the blue room or the angel room. It is a constant reminder to me that despite the times when I cannot see things through God’s perfect eyes, He can even arrange a puzzle to be bought weeks before an event even happened that would speak volumes to me, not only through that specific event, but in many others as well. The fact that the puzzle included the three boys gave my heart an assurance that God was telling me He would see them through their next journeys of life outside of my home and everywhere. God had compassion on me in such a sweet and personal way and He has the same compassion for all of his dear precious children if we only give our burdens and fears to Him.
One thing I wish I had known is how hard a transition the change in the nest would be. At the time, I felt prepared and I felt like my son had been pulling away in little ways to prepare himself also. However, when we pulled off from that college apartment I broke down in unexpected tears. I told my husband we needed to go back to stay another night. He sweetly and quietly said we were already half way home and we couldn’t do that.
God had mercy on me in that too though, because not too long after he said it, he noticed that he had left his briefcase at the hotel so we had to go back anyway. This time it was to truly prepare me in a different and unexpected way. When we arrived there my son was already too busy with friends to spend more time with Mom and Dad. He already had plans for dinner and fun afterwards with his new friends. It was a good thing because I felt like he was adjusting already to his new environment and it gave me just enough of a bitter sweet mad to be ready to head on back home. I had a glimpse in that moment that we would indeed both survive and that was a good feeling deep down even though I didn’t want to admit it.
It doesn’t get easier with the other kids leaving either. When we went to drop off our second son, he actually followed the truck when we were pulling out. He was crying and I was crying and my husband just kept having to give it gas because we could hardly make ourselves let go of each other’s arm. It was just like you have seen in the movies. He had a harder time it seemed than the first son did but I think a lot of it was he realized my heart was both rejoicing in the change and breaking with the change. He saw it happen with the first son because he was still living at home when that first change occurred. It is also a hard change for the siblings left at home because they also realize things are changing from what you’ve known them to be for so many years. With the last son, I had a good cry before I got to his apartment and got it all out of my system. He also had many plans for that day with his friends which did not include Mom and Dad. All three times were hard for me as a Mom, but as you see I survived.
If you are a Mom that has not gone through this yet, my advice would be. Pray so that you will have peace that you might otherwise not have. Trust that God guided you through preparing your child in every aspect of what he or she will face in his or her future. Even in your failures, God still was at work as you raised your child. Realize that it is a good thing for your child to spread his or her wings when he or she is grown and you have done a good job when this happens. Realize how blessed you were to get to be the one God chose to prepare them for real life as a grown adult. Think about all of the joys that are yet for you to experience, such as new family members and getting to be a grandparent if that is a part of God’s plan. During this new season of life, your role may have changed or may be about to change, but there are so many more blessings ahead for you and your whole family. Most of all, remember to buy a whole box of tissues or maybe two to have handy on your ride back home. If you are like I was, you will need them!
SeasonedMomBlog 